2009 Year in Review

(Oh my GAWD, people.  I just finished this behemoth after three evenings of typity typing.  It's LONG.  I don't recommend reading it since I haven't done any editing/spellchecking.  I'm reluctant to post it because I don't think I actually AM as depressing and whiny as this makes me appear, but I sure don't want to have completely wasted my time.  I mean really.  These are not questions I'm sure are constructive, unless you are just naturally Chipper McHappypants (eww.).  So if I sound ridiculous and lame, YOU ASKED, QUIZ.  YOU ASKED.  Next year maybe I'll just keep this crap bottled up, thanksverymuch.)

------------------------

I'm obviously a little late with this post, but only just decided I might as well try it out. Here goes.


1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Gave birth to a second baby while my first baby was asleep down the hall.  Ran a 10K.  Bought a pair of non-bootleg jeans.  Went to therapy (technically my son is the patient, but he's FOUR so really it's for all of us).


2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?



I didn't make any last year, but am working on setting some goals for myself this year.  I can't think of any really monumental ones, so at this point my biggest resolution is to get some friggin' resolve.  (Can I get that from the Wizard?)  (Eek.  Is that the second reference to The Wizard of Oz on this newborn blog?  That can't be good.)  (In all fairness to myself, I DID take F to go see it just a couple weeks ago at a movie theater.)  Maybe I need to resolve to ween myself off of unnecessary parentheses.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?



Nope.  One of the great mysteries in my life is why NONE of my good friends have children.  I will be 32 this year and have two kids.  I have friends that have been married or partnered plenty long enough to start breeding.  I think they are all busy with their careers right now.  Before I decided to try for a baby, I was a nanny, so really didn't intend to develop that into a career that I would put off having my own children for.  Grammar.  Bad.

4. Did anyone close to you die?



Nope.  What a terrible question to think about.

5. What countries did you visit?



NONE. 

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

A happier marriage.  A more comfortable house (ours is basically fine, it just has layout issues and only two bedrooms).  More patience with F.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 20th, my due date.  April 26th, J's birthday.  October 24th, my first ever Event Run.  Not that these events are even vaguely similar in importance, but I'm a stay-at-home mom so my calendur® is pretty flexible and all the dates sort of run together (HAR! RUN! TOGETHER!).  This event was called the Run Like Hell because it was the week before Halloween, thus making it even easier to remember.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


I'm sure if I'm really thinking about it I have to answer that my biggest achievement was J's birth and so-far successful babyhood and my transition to a mother of two.  But really it feels like more of an accomplishment that we seem to be pulling F away from whatever black hole of defiant behavior he was stuck in for the past year-plus.  It feels crummy be so focused on F all the time, when J deserves just as much--or more, because he's still so young. 

9. What was your biggest failure?

Oh, there have been so many big ones.  I feel like I have failed F just because I happen to be a terrible personality match for him and I cannot DEAL with who is/was becoming.  Now that we seem to be through the rough spots (for awhile, anyway), I can appreciate more of who is and will be, but am still saddened because I am fairly certain we will always have trouble relating to one another.  I know I have failed Z as a wife.  I felt let down by him for quite awhile before and during my pregnancy and now am trying to work through my resentment of that.  I don't think I've been mean or cruel, just distant.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I could check my pregnancy diary for this information, but that would require that I actually get up, so I'm just going to try to work from memory here.  I can't remember if I was sick with puking once or twice while big-bellied with J.  Having the flu (or whatever) while pregnant is one of the least fun things in the world, short of something truly tragic happening.  (THANKS QUIZ FOR ALL THE DEPRESSING THOUGHTS.)  Other than that, I've had a couple of minor colds and whatnot, but for the most part have been doing just swell.


11. What was the best thing you bought?

Did I even buy ANYTHING last year?  It doesn't seem like it, based on my closet or looking around me at my living and dining room.  OH!  I bought a food processor.  THAT.  is AWESOME.


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

F's, once we figured out a method of interacting that seems to push the right buttons on him.  J's, because he is such an even-tempered baby.  I never realized quite how difficult a baby F was until I had another to compare the experience to.  Night and Day.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?



My own.  My husband's.  The whole world's sometimes.  I am much more the kind of person that tends to see the horrors in the world than the joys.  My baby gives me joy, and someday he will break my heart on his way to becoming just like all the rest of us.  Jesus christ, maybe it's time to STOP this quiz.  But I won't delete that bit, because it is generally how I view things.  People tend to do mean and hurtful things with astounding regularity--even when they don't intend to.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Shouldn't this question read something like "Besides mortgage, car payments, taxes, childcare, student loan payments, insurance, and food, where did most of your money go?"  Let's see.  Our money went to mortgage, taxes (just the normal ones, nothing exciting), car insurance, food (damn but we spend a lot of money on groceries), the midwives, F's tonsillectomy, Z's 401K, F's preschool, new windows for the house, a new roof, a new lawn...and that leaves us BROKE.

15. What did you get really excited about?

Cooking and baking.  I didn't feel like cooking or eating much of anything while I was pregnant, and once I was up and part of the world again after J was born I flung myself right into it all with renewed vigor.  My neighbor, Mary, who loves to cook loaned me a cookbook (unsolicited) because it had a recipe for Grasshopper Pie in it.  I hate that stuff, but Z likes it and has asked me before if I would make one for his birthday.  So Mary was trying to help me find a recipe that wasn't so nasty sweet and weird.  Turns out I love the cookbook and now use it as my go-to guide for ideas.  I haven't had a single recipe in that book fail or even turn out less than delicious.  It's not a quick-and-easy or light or what-have-you niche cookbook, just an all-around American cookbook.  This is the one: The America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook.  I have used other, traditionally-bound, cookbooks of theirs but seem to find this one the easiest to use.

I don't even know if I would describe myself as "really excited" about being a mother for a second time.  I love that little baby with everything I've got, but it's a quiet kind of happiness--not a tell-everyone-you-know kind of excitement.

I am also still wicked excited about Turbo Kickboxing.  I miss going out and dancing to loud ridiculous music, and I think this highly-choreographed kickboxing-inspired dance class fulfills that same need.  See also the need to balance out all the baking.


16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

There are so many, and all of them are trashy.  This has to do largely with the kickboxing choreography I spent the most time with, Round 38, which features a lot of this music.

She Wolf -- Shakira
Yahhh! -- Soulja Boy
Poker Face -- Lady Gaga
Nobody Listens to Techno -- Base Attack
Shots (feat. Lil Jon) -- LMFAO
Right Round -- Flo Rida

But I guess there are some others that have been very significant this year:

Sweet Baby James -- James Taylor
Mama Tried -- Merle Haggard
Patsy Cline's best-known upbeat singles.
I haven't listened to it since J was a newborn, but I put on the Donnie Darko soundtrack a lot during that time.  It's not as weird as you'd think--a lot of spacey piano music.  If I listened to it again, I might think of this year.  Or maybe not.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder?  Probably about the same.  I had normal levels of apprehension and excitement about being pregnant.  Now I have less fear and excitement to look forward to but more joy.

– thinner or fatter?

Err, THINNER, thank the lawd.

– richer or poorer?   I don't know.  I feel poorer now, thanks to that Home Equity Loan.  But techinically we're probably better off.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?



Smiled with my babies.  Felt like smiling with my husband.


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?



Been so sad about F.  Laundry.


20. How did you spend Christmas?



At home, with my three boys.  We were up shortly after 4AM and totally done with pancakes before the sun came up after 7:00.


21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Yes, with my new boy.  He's just the best.


22. What was your favorite TV program?



Mythbusters.  We watched the marathon during Christmas 2008 because we were snowed in and just plum out of ideas for entertaining F.  This is one of the few shows that we can all three watch and enjoy.  I believe F even thinks of it as "our show"--that is, his and mine--because sometimes toward the end of my pregnancy I was just too worn out to do anything else but buy an episode of Mythbusters on iTunes and lay on the couch watching it with F.  Besides just really liking the show in general, Adam Savage sort of fulfills the notion of what F's potential is.  Of course I have no idea what Adam was like as a kid, but I suspect he could have been really trying and could have been an extremely troublesome adult.  Instead, he channeled all that creative energy and found a way to work through frustrating situations without freaking out (most of the time, anyway).


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?



I have definitely been more frustrated with my sister this year than in many years past.  She is an extremely negative woman who lacks tact and does not know when to quit talking about something (even if I specifically ask her not to).  Add to that that she sees my son as a problem to be solved and you see where this is going.  NEVER insult someone else's kid.  EVER.


24. What was the best book you read?

I can never remember any books that I have read.  Maybe one of my goals for this year should be trying to keep track of which books I read (and liked).  I liked The Help, but so did everyone else.  I LOVE the parenting book that has been helping us out to have a reasonably relaxed family these days, but I deduct points because the title is so ridonculous.  Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach.


25. What was your greatest musical discovery?


Sadly, I think I used all my music-discovering energies last year.  Maybe I'll get back with it in 2010.


26. What did you want and get?

Oh my goodness--so much.  A perfectly healthy baby.  A "transformed" older boy.  I'm so grateful for both of them.


27. What did you want and not get?

I was really hoping for something nice to mark J's birth (I mean, besides J himself).  I'm not saying I want some big ol' honkin' piece of jewelry as "payment" from my husband for growing and delivering the baby, but I would have liked some little token thing that I can dream of passing down someday and telling the recipient that it was a gift from Z to me when J was born.  Instead, I actually got a way too expensive beautiful antique big ol' honkin' piece of jewelry that is so big and so outside my ability to wear it (it's like finely-wrought costume jewelry) that it will sit in its box forevermore.  I know, cry me a river, right?  But it was kind of a stab to my heart because it indicates to me what kind of woman my husband thinks I am, instead of the kind that I actually am.  He wants to make me his princess, but I cannot be and don't want to me.  I bought a personalized charm necklace for myself for $45 a week later, I can wear it daily and the baby likes to play with it.

GodDAMN this is depressing me.  I've come back to complete this quiz three times now and every time it puts me in a funk.  Do other people do better at this?  Like, does it make them all hopeful or something?  GAH.  Now I totally understand what Tess talking about, going through this wringer/snoozefest.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Are you kidding me?  I can't even remember the name of the movie I watched last WEEK.  Oh, wait.  Yes, I can.  AVATAR.  meh.  I know, I know, best movie EVAH and whathaveyou.  But listen.  I'm nearly blind in one eye and that 3D shit doesn't work on me.  And it never for one second left my mind that these "people" were cartoons.  REALLY REALLY GOOD CARTOONS.  But still.  Fantasy ain't my thing.  So.  Ummmm, I saw the new Sherlock Holmes movie.  And it had cute boys in it.  And I can't remember and other movies I saw this year, so let's go with that.  (lame)


29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

For my birthday what I wanted this year was just a really relaxing day where I didn't have to care for two squawky kids and prepare a million meals (like every other normal day).  What I got was disappointed.  Without going into too much detail, Z went off the rails again trying to make me happy instead of listening when I told him I just wanted peace and quiet and takeout.  I got to watch the kids, stuck at home, while he took the car and futzed around running errands and, eventually, picking up the takeout that I called in because us homebound ones were starving and I'LL BE DAMNED if I was going to cook my own birthday dinner.  The food was super duper though and we discovered a new favorite dish.  Damn it's hard not to feel like a complete haggy bitch for complaining when your husband tries too hard to please but makes things overly complicated and fail-y.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

You mean besides having a better relationship with my husband?  By the way, we ARE working on it, he DOES know what I'm thinking, etc.  The next best thing would be having a kitchen that isn't quite so craptastic.  It is teensy tiny (old house), can't be easily expanded in any direction (is hemmed in by the brick chimney, the basement stairs, and the garage), and features broken cupboards and drawers that our now-deceased dog chewed on in order to open.  I really like to cook, but it is such an isolating kitchen it is hard to do anything in there and still be even remotely connected to the rest of the family.  The pantry and recycling bins are only accessible by opening the door to the basement, which can't be open if the dishwasher is open, etc.  The primary workspace is the glass-top stove, which means you can't ever use more than two burners.  The list of complaints is nearly endless with this little hellhole.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

"I'm losing the babyweight before I buy new clothes."  Sad, but true.  New clothes purchased at after Christmas sales!

32. What kept you sane?



Having a baby to squeeze.  Being able to escape to the gym for just a couple of hours each week.


33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I can't think of any that really stand out.  I think I did most of my boy-craziness last year (Marian Gold, oh my god what was I thinking?).

34. What political issue stirred you the most?



I am an extremely progressive liberal/socialist.  So health care reform is very important to me.  That said, it will be a long, slow process and it isn't terribly interesting on a day-to-day basis.  However, I have frequent little reality checks when I hear about something terrible happening in some other country.  Whenever I hear about a bomb going off in a church or a market, or some natural disaster killing hundreds or thousands of people, I immediately think about the moms.  No matter WHAT happens to me (oh, I wish I could afford a new kitchen, my husband tries too hard and misses the mark, whine whine whine), I am SO lucky to be able to take the safety of my children for granted on a daily basis.  So in terms of "stirring" political issues, the killing of mothers and their babies (which is to say, everyone) bothers me deeply.


35. Who did you miss?



Sometimes I missed me, sometimes I missed Z.  Sometimes I missed the old us. 


36. Who was the best new person you met?



J. 


37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.



If you focus on the positive, and tell people CONSTANTLY how much you appreciate their effort, truly amazing things can happen.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.



One and only rebel child,

From a family, meek and mild:
My Mama seemed to know what lay in store.
Despite all my Sunday learning,
Towards the bad, I kept on turning.
'Til Mama couldn't hold me anymore.
And I turned twenty-one in prison doing life without parole.
No-one could steer me right but Mama tried, Mama tried.
Mama tried to raise me better, but her pleading, I denied.
That leaves only me to blame 'cos Mama tried.
Dear old Daddy, rest his soul,

Left my Mom a heavy load;
She tried so very hard to fill his shoes.
Working hours without rest,
Wanted me to have the best.
She tried to raise me right but I refused.

[--Merle Haggard's "Mama Tried"]


Do you know you are my sunshine?

She asked so sweet and tenderly.
Do you know you are my sunshine?
Do you know what your smile did to me?
Do you know you are my sunshine and it looks like you're always going to be?

(And would you do it one more time for me?)

[The Statler Brothers, "Do You Know You Are My Sunshine"]